Keeping myself honest…

Heads up, this is not a typical motivational post, but one I just felt like I needed to put out there.  For those of you I know in the “real world”, heads up…  It’s maybe a little more raw honesty than you’re used to…

Had a week off work.  Did not have anything to do.  Have a lot of junk on my mind, and I’m dwelling on the negative.  It’s got me in sort of a bad head space.  I am also about halfway through my weight loss “maintenance” period, and I have hit a wall where I am sick of tracking everything I eat.  I am in… A FUNK.

To remedy this, I decided to whip out my credit card and take a little mini-vacation to get out of the city.  Do you know what’s not fun when you’re tangled up in some self-inflicted mental battle that has no plausible solution?  Going on vacation by yourself.  It sounded like a good idea, in theory.  And it sounded great when I was telling folks about it.  I’m getting out of town for awhile!  Just a little R & R!  It’ll be so great!

Lake Geneva
Lake Geneva

It was actually gorgeous.  And I was great for a few hours of walking around the lake, being in nature, active, and away from the city.  But then I had to go back.  And have dinner.  And fill the next 24 hours with…  something.  So I walked to the gas station and bought beer and cigarettes.  Because that’s what “vacation” was to me.  A break.  A chance to “indulge.”  To be BAD.  To just RELAX.

I thought I was relaxing.  Until the last beer, when I am furiously scribbling away in a journal like the angsty 17 year old I never quite left behind.  Until I was digging up way old memories.  Until I knew that when I woke up in the morning, I would have to go back to “normal.”

Got up, made coffee, went for a run, felt like garbage, checked out of the resort and walked around some more.  There is a path that goes all the way around the lake, through residential areas, wooded areas, camps and beaches.

Lake Shore Path
Lake Shore Path

Really nice, and it’s a great view to see how the “other half” lives.  Pretty fantastic looking homes, lots of folks who have clearly come to enjoy their time at the lake.  It was great to spend time outside, enjoying the air.

I came home with a pounding headache, which I totally earned.  It really was great to get away, to enjoy the lake and the luxury of a hotel, and I did relax some, but I also figured out that “letting go” and “relaxing” in the style of “old me” does not make “new me” very happy.

Work in Progress
Work in Progress

Always working, always moving, and for now I want to focus on FORWARD.


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